Sunday, February 8, 2009

Haunting Disappointment and Discouragement


Tsk...tks...tsk...
I know my pride won't allow me to share this but I think I have to, to lessen the burden. I've been feeling so down since the start of this year because I doubt my computing skills. I feel so dull and lame in my classes especially to my major subjects. I feel lots of negativity in our major IT subjects. I don't know if this would just pass by or if this burden would be forever.

I'm having second thoughts of my course, Information Technology, because I found out that I'm really in a competitive course where you must be very skillful to earn high grades and as a corporate, you must be very skilled. I don't know why but I feel so weak. I know that I can outstand in our minor courses but that's not enough for me to be contented because I'm aiming to be good in the majors. It's not like I want to be in the top. I just want to at least do our computer-related activities satisfactory for myself because most of the time, the activities that I pass and checked by our instructors are in reliance with my classmates.

Moreover, I think I don't have the skills, guts, and attitudes of an IT person. I'm bad at computer programming, I lack interest about computers, I'm lazy, I don't have any motivation to continue this course, and I always play on the safe side. I easily get discouraged everytime I feel screwed. This feeling always haunts me every morning when I wake up that provokes me not to go to school

When I was still in highschool, I thought that I'd be good in computers because I love them. But that love withered when I've become awared that lots of my colleagues have far greater skills and talents in IT. I'm feeling out of place right now but I think I must continue this study just for the sake of the tuiton fees wasted in my first year.

I know this sounds OA but it's really true. I hope that this realization will be uprighted by something or someone and this regrets will vanish soon. Right now, I don't have any plans for my future. I just want to just live domestically.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

paco, n.bored lng guro k sa A. kay naa pod bya kay k.conflict, peo kbalo ko bryt man jud au ka, ayaw lng gud k dscourage. ana mn jud na tnabangay ky kbalo jd bya tah n dli jud ni lalim a2ng course. cge lng pac! aja! kaya au na nimo. ^^

melai palmero said...

wow.
tinamaan din ako dun ah. pareho gud ta pax. kc dba dapat naa gyud tai murag matawag na specialization jud gani. HUHUHUHUHUHU. i too am wishing for that day, na clear na kaau akong vision kung asa jud ko nga dapit sa IT field. SIGH.

Anonymous said...

Hi, very interesting post, greetings from Greece!